Saturday, January 12, 2008
Innocence..{5:50 PM}
Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by
I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by
It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliant (It makes you want to cry)
This innocence is brilliant
Please don't go away 'cause I need you now and I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by
(It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry)
This innocence is brilliant (It's so beautiful)
I hope that it will stay (It's so beautiful)
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now and I'll hold on to it (It makes me want to cry)
Don't you let it pass you by
Does it matter? I don't think so anymore..{5:13 PM}
Past few days..when i'm alone..this thought crosses my mind..
Does it matter? i don't think so anymore..
Kinda Tired of this feeling.. It's like i'm holding on the a dream that won't come true.. or like one of my friend whould put it..chasing a dream that was never there..
well during the past few siviks periods, we've been learning about this refleksi diri thingie..
and well everyone has to write an essay about their own achievements.. well.. i thought of everything.. and my mind like when out of the topic..and i started thinking about what happened.. not my achievements..but what i've been doing everyday and all that..
I know that some people haven't been completely truthful with me.. And I don't know if i can trust what they say anymore.. everyday i'm loosing my faith in them.. sooner or later i'm gonna give up and just leave them (Feels like it's gonna happen very soon)..
i'm tired of listening to lies.. the worst thing is they just won't admit it!
they think telling me the truth would hurt me..
But hey!
The Truth Hurts!! But your lies are KILLING ME!
which is better? the lie that may cause a smile? or the truth that may cause a tear?
Don't They Get It?!?! Lying would just hurt me MORE!
I'm very fed up with life.. what's the use if i just stay here suffering like this.. i'm still not okay.. i'm still the same.. and nothing has changed.. i've done all i could.. but i can't change what i feel.. kinda sick of this feeling.. giving up soon.. and i don't know how to explain this feeling.. it's just sooo hard.. i'm suffering alot from this.. it's really tiring..
Pls Listen to what i'm feeling..
thanx to the readers who read..
``Buhbwaii
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Silent Tears..{5:28 PM}
My trip back to West Malaysia Wasn't exactly the 'Holiday' that anyone would ever want..
In fact..it didn't feel like a holiday at all.. it felt like living hell..
Ever since my trip to KL, I admit. I've totally changed. Not in a good way..but a bad one..this really sucks!
I notice that i tend to feel like being alone alottt and i think too much!! (believe me on that)
Well like most people would put it.. i've become 'Emo'..
i'm not saying that Emo is a bad thing..But it's just that this new me is VERY..and i repeat VERY different from what i used to be..
I'm Not the cheerful me anymore.. I'm not who i used to be.. I Can't concerntrate..i can't do anything.. those things that used to matter to me just don't matter anymore.. it feels like i'm giving up.. part of me is telling me to get up and go..the other part is just saying no to everything.. i don't know.. i'm feeling alot of emotions all at once.. i'm really confused..
Maybe it's coz of everything that happened during my trip to KL and when i got back.. it wasn't really the " hello!! welcome back!" that i was expecting.. It turned out to be something worst..it made me feel like i shud catch a flight back to KL and coming back to Kuching was a bad idea..
Well i ain't really over what happened.. and honestly i feel really hurt inside.. even though i put on a smile on my face and joke around.. there's just that cut deep within me.. that never seems to recover..I've lost my appetite to eat..( I'm NOT having that anorexia dieases).. all i want to do is stay in my rome alone.. i don't have anything to say to anyone anymore..so i tend to be really really quiet when i'm around anyone ( which is SOOO not like me at all)
I know, alot of my friends think i'm distracted and all..its just that somethings are really hard to forget..even if i hear advices asking me to not care or to just let it go.. i just can't.. i've tried..but i can't.. i wasn't prepared for all these things that i'm going through..i can't bare this anymore.. this is just too heavy.. I'm really really tired with life.. and this tired feeling is not something that u can just go to sleep and wake up refresh..
I don't know.. I Just feel that no one is paying any attention to what i'm going through..
I need someone here by me as i go through this.. someone to catch me when i fall..and help me up..not someone telling me it's ok when i already know it's not..
I'm breaking down.. and i don't know what to do..
i'm writing this post in hope that anyone out there will listen to what i'm feeling deep down inside..
``Buhbwaii
The name's manda.
