Thursday, January 10, 2008
Silent Tears..{5:28 PM}
My trip back to West Malaysia Wasn't exactly the 'Holiday' that anyone would ever want..
In fact..it didn't feel like a holiday at all.. it felt like living hell..
Ever since my trip to KL, I admit. I've totally changed. Not in a good way..but a bad one..this really sucks!
I notice that i tend to feel like being alone alottt and i think too much!! (believe me on that)
Well like most people would put it.. i've become 'Emo'..
i'm not saying that Emo is a bad thing..But it's just that this new me is VERY..and i repeat VERY different from what i used to be..
I'm Not the cheerful me anymore.. I'm not who i used to be.. I Can't concerntrate..i can't do anything.. those things that used to matter to me just don't matter anymore.. it feels like i'm giving up.. part of me is telling me to get up and go..the other part is just saying no to everything.. i don't know.. i'm feeling alot of emotions all at once.. i'm really confused..
Maybe it's coz of everything that happened during my trip to KL and when i got back.. it wasn't really the " hello!! welcome back!" that i was expecting.. It turned out to be something worst..it made me feel like i shud catch a flight back to KL and coming back to Kuching was a bad idea..
Well i ain't really over what happened.. and honestly i feel really hurt inside.. even though i put on a smile on my face and joke around.. there's just that cut deep within me.. that never seems to recover..I've lost my appetite to eat..( I'm NOT having that anorexia dieases).. all i want to do is stay in my rome alone.. i don't have anything to say to anyone anymore..so i tend to be really really quiet when i'm around anyone ( which is SOOO not like me at all)
I know, alot of my friends think i'm distracted and all..its just that somethings are really hard to forget..even if i hear advices asking me to not care or to just let it go.. i just can't.. i've tried..but i can't.. i wasn't prepared for all these things that i'm going through..i can't bare this anymore.. this is just too heavy.. I'm really really tired with life.. and this tired feeling is not something that u can just go to sleep and wake up refresh..
I don't know.. I Just feel that no one is paying any attention to what i'm going through..
I need someone here by me as i go through this.. someone to catch me when i fall..and help me up..not someone telling me it's ok when i already know it's not..
I'm breaking down.. and i don't know what to do..
i'm writing this post in hope that anyone out there will listen to what i'm feeling deep down inside..
``Buhbwaii
The name's manda.
